The response to my last post has been almost exclusively a variation of “me too.” It makes me wonder how many of the people I pass in the grocery store feel the hurt of past bullying. Is that guy in the car next to me at the stop light as self-conscious as I am? Maybe not. But maybe he is.

A few people have asked me what can be done?

The truth is I don’t have the answer to that question. I don’t know how to stop bullying. If there is a universal plan to end it {and I doubt that’s the case} I have no clue what it is. All I can offer is some advice that may help others find the solution to individual cases of bullying.

• Ask your children if they are being bullied. Ask them if they are bullying others. Let them know bullying is unacceptable. They may not tell you the truth when you ask, but if you don’t talk to them they may not tell you anything at all.
• If your child is being bullied do not feed them clichés. Sticks and stones break bones, but words can’t be healed by a few weeks in a cast. Sayings like that do nothing to make a victim feel better. In fact they can add to the victim’s shame by making them feel invalidated and as if something is wrong with them for feeling hurt in the first place.
• If your child is being bullied do not tell them to just ignore it. Not only is that teaching them they shouldn’t speak up for themselves and be assertive, it doesn’t work. Often bullies will escalate the harassment in response to such tactics. Fighting back is not the answer, but neither is laying down and letting the bullies continue. We teach people how they can treat us through our actions. Ignoring bullying teaches the perpetrators that they may bully us.
• If teachers, principles, etc. do not take the problem seriously keep going over their heads until you find somebody who will. You are your child’s advocate. They need someone in their corner.
• Consider counselling.

This advice is formed based on experience. I’m not a child psychologist. But I was a victim. And I know what it feels like. For more information on bullying and prevention check out this Wikipedia article and this Bully Free Alberta campaign.