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Thursday, September 18

Toys That Tantilize...or Traumatize...whatever

Every once in a while I see something in a store that stops me in my tracks...and I don't mean in the "Oh my gosh! That's so awesome! I want one!" way. I mean in the "What on earth?!" kind of way. At first glance this toy seems normal enough:

But take a look at this close up (just in case you missed it):

Wow. That's got to be every little girl's dream come true. A toy puppy that has "accidents." Isn't one of the benefits of having a toy dog not having to clean up after it? I guess there is a certain appeal to the realism of it all but not enough to convince me this toy isn't completely over the top. I think the fact that the main selling point is "I lift my leg and pee" is a pretty good indicator that maybe this is a toy one should just pass over.
Now, you might point out that little girls have long loved baby dolls that wet their diaper. That's true. But I'd like to point out that the baby doll usually comes with a diaper (or at least a potty). I'd also like to point out that I think that's a little odd too. Most moms will not tell you that diapers were their favorite part about raising a baby (Jen being an example of what I'm talking about). The peeing baby dolls also (as far as I've ever seen) consist of water just kind of leaking out. This puppy? He raises his leg and lets 'er rip! Show me a baby doll that makes those "going potty" faces that babies make and we'll talk.
Another messed up toy I saw recently? This duckling. I'm not going to get too deep into the debate on dolls with bottles (if you don't know what I'm talking about don't worry about it). But, um...could someone please explain to me why a duck needs a bottle?! In case you hadn't noticed ducks are not mammals. I would very much like to know what is supposed to be in that bottle; because I'm pretty sure it ain't milk.
Here's another one: While I totally get why some puppy and kitten toys come with bottles (orphaned puppies and kittens are bottle fed all the time) why does this Barbie*/puppy play set come with a bottle? These puppies are clearly not orphaned. Mama dog comes in the package with them. So why are the puppies being bottle fed? Does mama dog work? Is she a search and rescue dog? Maybe she's a drug or bomb sniffing dog? Does Barbie hook her up to a little doggie breast pump to feed the puppies while she's at work? And if so, how come the doggie breast pump doesn't come in the set? Does it have to be bought separately?
Wow. I just watched the commercial for the "Barbie Taffy & Puppies Play Set." Apparently one of these puppies will also have accidents. But...and this is a little disturbing...you have to squeeze the poor thing to make it pee...because, you know, I always had to crush my dog Dodger when he was a puppy to get him to do his business. And here's the other disturbing question: why don't the other puppies pee? Is something wrong with their bladders? Are they going to have to go see the vet for some major surgery? If they don't pee soon will they get urinary tract infections, or worse, will their bladders explode? I worry because I really don't think dead puppies make a great child's toy.

*You should applaud me for not going into a long, drawn-out tirade about how much I hate Barbie. Or you could bake me cookies to congratulate me. Because I love cookies. Either way, be grateful you've been spared a rant on the mind-numbing loathsome toy that is Barbie (for now).

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