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Thursday, May 14

Chiroptera Homosapien & Turdus migratorius

There are some truly awful movies out there. Eragon comes to mind, as does Poseidon (the 2006* remake of the not nearly as horrible Poseidon Adventure). The Star Wars Holiday Special was a portent of future disappointments.** And let's not forget Jaws 3 and 4***, Jurassic Park 2 and 3, and Tremors 2 and 3****. But recently I saw the ultimate bad movie, the king of horrible cinema, the "make it stop! make it stop!" movie that makes you want to go back to school, study physics, build a time machine, go back in time, and destroy the human race in it's infancy to prevent the cinematic atrocity from ever being conceived. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about:

Batman & Robin

Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have all that respectable of an acting career to begin with, neither does Alicia Silverstone. But George Clooney? I'm embarrassed for him. Truly, I am. Actually...I'm embarrassed for anyone even slightly responsible for the horror that is Batman & Robin. If I had worked on that film I think I would leave it off my resume and hope the world forgets that I had anything to do with it.

The acting was horrible!

The costumes were ridiculous (rubber nipples?)!

The sets were like something from a nightmare the lovechild of Dali and Rodin might have.

The script seemed to be written by 12 year old boys. Not many people like puns to begin with. I do. And I couldn't stomach a single one.

The plot was so impossible that science teachers the world over probably had heart attacks watching it.

The characters were so flat they could make paper feel self conscious about it's weight.

And I'm sorry guys...but there is NO EXCUSE for the opening butt shots!

I'm not the only person who thinks this movie, well, sucks. It was nomiated for a total of 11 Razzies and won 1. How it failed to win more I will never understand. It merits a shameful 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. This movie is just bad, really, really, really bad. It killed the entire Batman series and they (Hollywood) had to start over (and thank goodness they did)! I about died when, while watching it, I suddenly realized millions of dollars (125 million) were spent to make it. I can think of at least 125 million better ways to spend 125 million dollars (some examples: getting root canals, tickets to the Creationism Museum, Backstreet Boys albums, or getting a tattoo of Hitler on my face).

The only thing that made watching the movie tolerable?


And knowing it would eventually end.

So there you have it. My feelings about Batman & Robin. Or, to put it another way:

Holy $#*!, Batman!

What movie tops your Worst Ever list?

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*2006 really wasn't a good year for Hollywood: Eragon, Poseidon, Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest, The Illusionist, Superman Returns...However 2006 also gave us one of my favorites, V for Vendetta, so all is forgiven.

**Though...Episodes I, II, and III were not totally without merit. But don't tell my husband I said that.

***Why Michael Caine, why?!

****Projectile farts? Really?

4 Stubborn Stains:

CrystalHW said...

I have to agree that batman and Robin was horrible! I am so glad they not only started over, but are doing a great job with it.
Also, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out that year.

Adam said...

It's true. The science was so bad, that for 2 hours pi was temporarily rounded to 3.

Mama Notes said...

I like your new blog layout! That color of blue is pretty :)

Holly Noelle said...

Thanks Mama Notes. It's still very much under construction. But so far I'm proud of it. The color scheme is one I made called With Tangerine Trees: http://www.colourlovers.com/palette/765116/With_Tangerine_Trees I named it in honor of my daughter.

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