Dear Jerk MrJerkison,

At 3:00 am on Monday morning you decided it would be fun to kick in the rear windshield on our car. I hope you enjoyed yourself, because it was no fun for me to discover glass on the backseat right when I was about to buckle in my daughter to take her to the babysitter. It was no fun to confusedly look at the passenger window to figure out where the glass had come from only to realize it had come all the way from the rear windshield of my station wagon (that must have been some kick). It was no fun to call my sitter and my boss and explain I’d be late, at best. It was no fun trying to tape plastic over the gaping hole in the cold and snow (which caused the tape to not stick). It was no fun to try to position magnets to hold up the plastic since the tape had failed. It was no fun to call the police and wait on hold for what seemed a lifetime, only to have my phone die right when I was taken off hold. It was no fun, I’m sure, for my landlord to go through hours of security footage looking for you (and only finding waist down footage). It was no fun for my husband to clean up the glass you left in our car and all over the snowy street. It was no fun to learn that we had opted for the liability only insurance and would be paying the $500 out of pocket to replace the window. It was no fun to have the repairs take far longer than we thought because the glass delivery was late and to therefore miss a second day of much needed work. It was no fun to call my boss and tell her I’d be missing work again. It was no fun to receive a call in the afternoon from the auto-shop saying the glass had arrived broken and they’d have to get another windshield the next morning. It was no fun to have a auto-shop employee arrive in a van to pick us up the next morning so my daughter could be taken to the sitter only to discover that not only was the car seat not installed (as expected) but that nobody knew how to install it. It was no fun to send the driver on his way with a “nevermind” when he suggested I sit my precious toddler in the front seat and let him drive us on terribly dangerous, icy winter roads. It was no fun to drag my toddler with me to my place of employment and wait for my boss to get in only to explain to her that, once again, I couldn’t come in (but that I’d do my best to work from home if I could take the Macbook for the day). It was no fun to attempt to get work done with a toddler climbing all over me (and it was no fun to deal with the mommy guilt that came as a result of letting her watch Christmas specials all day in hopes it would distract her). It was no fun to trudge back out in the freezing cold with my toddler to return the Macbook to the office. It was no fun to miss three days of work (and therefore three days of pay), make a $500 repair, and generally feel crappy and violated. So I hope that one kick you got was fun. I hope it was $610 worth of fun because that’s what it cost me you ass-hat.

Sincerely,                                                           

The Co-owner of the Car You Vandalized