{Preface: I’m proud to call myself a feminist. If you’re looking for a rant about the evils of feminism you will not find it here. I may criticize what I feel are the shortcomings of the movement, but I will never criticize the ideal of women’s liberation and women’s equality.}

I was reading a book. It was called Staying Home Instead: How to Balance Your Family Life (and Your Checkbook). It was written by a women named Christine Davidson. It wasn’t that great. It wasn’t at all what I hoped it would be. But there was an idea in it that has haunted me since I read it {and here comes a big, long excerpt from the book}:

Suzanne Gordon, author of Prisoners of Men’s Dreams: Striking Out for a New Feminine Future, writes of some sources of the problem in the caring professions:

“When women moved into the marketplace,…we hoped to teach men to value caring, to share in women’s caring work in the home and workplace, and to support truly care-centered programs in the political arena…But, in our society, the very project of human caring has been compromised.

…[M]ore and more American women have been encouraged to embrace the very marketplace values that have always denigrated care. New female images of success, like their masculine counterparts, preclude work in the caring professions…

Some American feminists have also failed to emphasize the value of caring work in their theories and public discussions because they, understandably, fear that any widespread attempt to revalue women’s caring work will be manipulated by conservative forces…No wonder then, that many women who were proud to be in “women’s work” felt that mainstream feminism was—and sometimes still is—hostile to their interests…

[W]omen’s caregiving work has become a negative standard against which we measure our progress. Our progress…is [now] charted in the distance women have traveled away from caregiving work, and toward traditional male activities and preoccupations.”

As columnist Ellen Goodman has pointed out, what we need to do is raise the status and pay for caregivers instead of encouraging them out of these occupations. As it is, “the rise in status for women is associate, for better of for worse, with entry into the male world…We have…done a better job at letting some women into ‘men’s’ jobs than at raising the status of ‘women’s’ jobs.”

…While the working woman is unrealistically glamorized and the single mother (or father) ignored, the married mother at home is too often depicted as a drudge; what’s more…her choice is both catastophized and patronized.

Still with me?

Good.

To summarize, I think Christine’s point is that the women’s liberation movement focused so much on access to what were thought of as “men’s jobs” for those women who wanted it, that they unintentionally added to the denigration of traditionally female roles. Having seen fellow feminists look down their noses at stay-at-home mothers, “Mommybloggers,” and hell, even women who choose to reproduce at all, I believe it.

So often, it seems, that being “just” a parent is seen as somehow lazy, somehow less than a “real” job. After all, “working moms are full-time moms too” goes the argument. Of course they are! You don’t cease to be a parent from 9-5 every day, whether you’re a mother or a father. And while there needs to be some real discussion about and recognition of the fact that working moms still take care of the majority of household responsibilities, and how completely and totally unfair that is, that knee-jerk response really has nothing to do with the issue at hand. And here’s why; this isn’t about you. And by “you,” I mean “working moms.” We all know things still suck for you. The workplace still isn’t as equal as some people like to pretend it is. You are doing more than your fair share at home. And life is hard, really hard.

But again, this isn’t about you.

This is about the women who are using their liberation to choose to stay at home…and about the lack of respect they’re getting. I work because, for the time being, I have to. Given the choice, I’d be at home. I see plenty of women in my social circle who seem to get a lot of fulfillment from their work. I’m not one of them. I have a great employer, and a great job, but it doesn’t fulfill me the way being at home does. And that should be OK. I do not feel threatened by the women achieving the traditional idea of success. More power to you, ladies! You’re doing good in the world and for as long as it brings you joy keep doing it!

But why is it that so many working women, parents and non-parents alike, seem so threatened by me?

Is it fear that my choice will fail to forward the feminist movement and create a more fair workplace environment? Would they have me sacrifice that hard-won freedom to choose to ensure their freedom goes unhindered?

Is it simply that so many young women have bought into the meme that stay at home moms define their identity by their role as a caregiver? I don’t know, perhaps we do, at least to the same extent that a lawyer or a doctor identifies by her career. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? To say “I’m a professor,” or “I’m in advertising,” or even “I own a daycare” is seen as respectable…but to say “I’m a mother” is not. Why is that?

Why is it that caring for someone else’s children is seen as more legit than caring for one’s own? Is it simply a matter of pay check? “You spend all day caring for children, eh? Oh, but you’re getting paid money? Well, that’s all right then.” The work is very similar. To deny that women at home don’t have challenging jobs is, as best as I can tell, an opinion that can only be formed from ignorance. Women at home are janitors, taxi drivers, cooks, teachers, referees, and any number of things. It’s hard work. And while we recognize that women working 9-5 have it hard too, let’s not pretend staying at home is easy. The challenges are different. But one is not more than or less than the other.

So stop laughing at us. Stop acting as if we’ve betrayed the feminist movement by choosing a life path that, were we men, you’d say “good for you!” {I’m amazed by the number of women I see on certain feminist sites who seem to think stay at home dads are the cat’s meow but stay at home moms are nothing more than a stereotype or joke.}

And, as for those of us who chose to write what we know via “new media” (aka blogs), stop lumping us together under the patronizing “mommy blogger” title. Just because you can’t relate to what we have to say, because you’re not a mother yourself or whatever reason, does not mean what we have to say is worthless. A certain feminist site I frequent seems inundated with young feminists who seem to think that, because what mothers have to say on their blogs doesn’t interest them, it is of no value. They make snide remarks about “mommies who talk about getting stains out of little Timmy’s shirt” and complain that we should just have a glass of wine as opposed to whining about our kids online…which begs the question, what mommy blogs have you been reading?

The blogs I read are written by women with valuable things to say, whether those things be critical analysis of parenting theories, detailed tutorials on creative projects, or really funny essays on life and parenting.Yet, these young women feel perfectly comfortable dismissing “mommy bloggers” as silly nobodies, rather than embracing them as sisters with thoughts and feelings. Somehow they’ve failed to recognize the hypocrisy of denigrating blogs which sometimes publish what must seem to them very mundane tidbits about the daily realities of parenthood while at the same time frequenting a blog that sometimes publishes what seems to many people frivolous celebrity and fashion news. And while I’m sure these women would be quick to put in his place any man who had the poor sense to write off the entire site as useless nonsense and its audience as silly women, I watch helplessly as they do the same to other women. Yet, amongst the Hollywood gossip and cute puppy pictures, there is content with significant depth. Anyone who failed to see its value would be doing a great injustice to its writers and audience. Just as anyone who fails to see the value of the so-called mommyblogs is doing a great injustice to women who chose to self publish online. Sure, there’s plenty of crap out there. But it takes very little effort to dig past it to the real gems of the mommy blogging world.

What I would say to these women is this:

Just because a woman is doing unpaid work does not mean it is meaningless, insignificant, or undeserving of respect. Just because a woman is at home does not mean she’s there because her husband expects it, or because she can’t cut it in a “real” job. Just because a woman is shaped and changed by her role as a parent does not mean she has no personality or identity besides “Mommy.” Just because a woman chooses to stay home even though, in modern times, other options are available to her, does not mean she is a conservative, right-wing religious fanatic hell bent on crusading for all moms to stay home. Just because a woman chooses to stay home, does not mean she thinks another woman’s choice not to stay home is invalid. Just because a woman insists that her work at home is challenging, and that it requires a lot of mental and physical effort to successfully parent all day, does not mean she thinks working moms are bad moms. Just because a woman, who is a mother, blogs, it does not mean her blog is merely about her children and her role as a mom, and even when it is, it does not mean her writing is without value.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Sometime this year (June, I think?), we are moving to Calgary. I’ve been keeping an eye on the types of rentals we can find in our price range. While browsing the ads I found the perfect set up for all of us (ideally we’re hoping to rent a suitable house with Uncle Spencer). It had FIVE bedrooms, two kitchens, two bathrooms, two family rooms, a shared storage space, a small fenced yard, and a park right outside the back gate. We felt it might be worth paying double rent for a little while to secure it, so we set up an appointment to see it, loaded everybody into our little car (two-year-old included) and drove three hours to Calgary.

And got stood up.

For real.

We tried calling the property management company but, being a Saturday, no one answered. So we called their “if this cannot wait until Monday line” and got a messenger service. We left a message.

And never heard back.

For real.

We wasted $40 gas, six hours in the car, and a perfectly good Saturday to get stood up by a property management company who didn’t even have the decency to return our message.

The kicker?

The neighbor whose phone we borrowed to call said property management company said the same thing happened the weekend before.

Well, I guess we wouldn’t want to rent from you after all.

Jerks.

I love my little girl. She is my proverbial sunshine. She is sweet, and smart, and oh-so-funny.
And she loves us too, so so sooo much. She can’t get enough of us, and, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be getting enough of us. Adam has been extra busy this semester with some big projects (for class and for the science and engineering student group on campus), and, of course, with applying for med school (will May 13th ever get here?).* So, sadly, Daddy isn’t home as much as he wants to be. Neither am I, what with having a out-of-home job.
All this separation is taking a toll on our little miss.
As wonderful as her day home provider is, and as much as Lucy likes to talk about her friends at the day home, she misses us. Frankly, I miss her too. The problem is that Lucy seems to be more sensitive to separation than most kids, and more sensitive than she once was. Maybe it’s a stage, or maybe the last seven months have finally gotten to be too much for her. Either way, she’s been struggling.
Lucy has been spending a troubling amount of her time at the day home lying on the couch doing nothing. She hasn’t been eating enough (even according to toddler standards). She’s been spending 75% of her mornings crying, and not the I’m-a-toddler-who-gets-pissed-and-cries-at-the-drop-of-a-hat kind of crying, but the I-am-so-very-sad-and-tears-are-running-down-my-face-even-while-I-follow-directions-and-otherwise-behave-myself kind of crying. She clings to me as though I were life itself when dropped off at the day home. It’s been completely heartbreaking to watch my usually happy and energetic ray of sunshine become so distressed and depressed.
So, we’re switching things up. I’m going to give up a weekend day and add a bit of time to my shifts here and there so that I only have to take Lucy to the day home every other weekday, instead of everyday. And she’ll play with Daddy on my weekend work day. It’s not ideal (ideally I’d stay home again with her every day, which is my dream), but I think it will help ease her hurt, and my own.
What we will do when we move this summer, I’m not sure. But I do know, that for this child, and this mother, being at home is what we like best.
And what post about Lucy would be complete without a picture? This was taken this morning by Rachel at Madchen Studios. The mini Easter session was amaaaaazing. There were so many great shots it almost killed me to select just some of them. This was Rachel’s favorite.

As always, beautiful work by Madchen Studios.

*May 13th is the day applicants are notified of acceptance/rejection.

OK, I know lots of you are in the US, but really, only two people have entered the Dog In Boots giveaway? I’m going to extend the deadline until Friday to give more Canadians a chance to enter/spread the word.
It’s been a long weekend. So that’s all I’m really going to say in this post…except that I am now qualified to give you CPR should you ever cease to breathe in my presence.

I wanted to interrupt the “raining books” to bring you up to speed on my life right now. I only have a moment to write this post because I need to get everything ready for tomorrow morning when I go to CPR class at eight am. Ugh. {And I get to do it again on Sunday morning…two days of eight hour class.}

Our car died.

There was drama.

We replaced it {will write more later, I hope}.

I scored some awesome deals on Kijiji (kind of like Craig’s List) which will lead to some interesting posts in the future.

I have a big announcement coming up {and no, it does NOT involve a fetus}.

We wasted 6 hours in the car and $40-some in gas to get stood up by a Calgarian property management company {again, will need it’s own post}.

We are desperately trying to maintain sanity while waiting until May 13th {when we find out if Adam was accepted/rejected this cycle}.

Lucy is having some problems.

But she is also making some pretty neat developmental strides {like learning to use the potty in about three days time}!

My friend had a baby {soooooo cute}.

Basically, life goes on.

Also…we’re continuing to get snow which makes me want to stab somebody.

Anywho, that’s what’s up here. More details later.

And more book reviews!

Writing: This story is a bit repetitive, but tolerable even for this ADD mama. And the repetition is fantastic for kids. There’s only detail towards the end of the book that seems to come from nowhere, but otherwise I have no beefs with the writing. And I LOVE the instances of word play and sound words thrown in here and there. The sounds words are written exactly how they should be said, so there’s no confusion as to how to say them. And, being a lover of words, I am thrilled that this book doesn’t shy away from words to which children may not have yet been exposed. 5 STARS
Content: This story is totally cute, and teaches a great lesson without being at all preachy. Parent who want to discourage consumerism will like the very subtle lesson. All parents will enjoy the very fun and funny story.. 5 STARS
ILLUSTRATIONS
Style: The illustrations are AWESOME. Adam and I both really love the painterly images. The illustrations are cute, rather than realistic which makes them perfect for young audiences. But they’re still artistic enough that parents will really love looking at them too. 5 STARS
Skill: If ever there were an illustrator skilled at expressive and adorable images of dogs, this is it. There are certain pages and pictures that never fail to make me smile, even after having seen them over and over and over again. 5 STARS
KID FACTOR
Mom’s Opinion: This one is probably my favorite of all the books I’ll review this month. Adam really likes it too.
Toddler’s Opinion: Lucy really loves this one. She’s all about puppies so that definitely appeals to her. We’ve had to talk her out of reading this one on occasion just so we can have a chance to read the other stories being reviewed.
OVERALL RATING
Get this one. Get two copies (one to keep and one to give). Heck, get three copies and donate one to your library. This one is too cute to miss. The story is sweet: the illustrations even sweeter (almost too sweet to stand)! Personally, I’m looking forward to reading this one to any grandkids I may someday have.
5 STARS
So, are you totally excited about reading this one?
Well, guess what.
One of you is getting a free copy!
This giveaway is for CANADIAN RESIDENTS only. Sorry US friends, but that’s the way it is this time. Hey, we get left out of US giveaways all the time. So we feel your pain.
You know the drill:
1. Leave a comment below with your e-mail. 1 entry
2. Blog about the contest with a link back to this post. 1 entry
Winner will be drawn via random.org next week on the spring equinox (March 20th).
  
Stay tuned for more book reviews this week, and throughout the month of March!
*All books for the “It’s Raining Books” month of reviews were provided by Allen Thomas & Son. I received no additional compensation for providing my honest opinion. All links to the books are affiliate links, meaning if you choose to purchase a copy you will be supporting Domestic Dork. However, I will not encourage you to spend your hard-earned money on a book unless I honestly think it’s worth it. I value you, my readers, too much to take advantage of you that way.

{image from Amazon }

Book: Spring Is Here

Author & Illustrator: Will Hillenbrand

We had above freezing temperatures today. I’m finally starting to believe spring is on the way. What better way to celebrate that hope than a review of a book celebrating its arrival? In this tale, Mole is trying to wake Bear from hibernation. Can he do it?

STORY

Writing: This story is very simply written. Perhaps too simple for my family’s taste, but probably appropriate for very young children (even if mums and dads aren’t enthralled). That said, it is sweet in its simplicity. The simple sentences also help slow down the reading, as counterintuitive as that may be. Because there are so few words on a page you end up pausing to savour the illustrations instead. It also includes a lot of onomatopoeia and sound words, such as “snore.” It can be fun to read aloud until you encounter a word and you find you are unsure whether to read the word or make the sound effect itself, or both. 3.5 STARS

Content: This simplistic story is really great, I think, for younger kids. Mole is trying very sweetly to wake his roommate and friend Bear to tell him spring has arrived. There is a cute little twist at the end that little ones will probably appreciate. 4 STARS

ILLUSTRATIONS

Style: The illustrations are very sweet, very calm, and very lovely. Much of what I want to say about them is covered below. 4 STARS

Skill: The use of pattern and texture in these illustrations is really great. It’s quite clear that Hillenbrand put a lot of love into these very artistic images. He seems to have an eye for detail, without getting lost in it. The character’s emotions are easy to see but drawn in an understated way. The subtle depth of the images really draws me in. 4.5 STARS

KID FACTOR

Mom’s Opinion: Totally cute. I just really like this one. It will definitely need to be revisited every spring for as long as Lucy is interested.

Toddler’s Opinion: Lucy hasn’t had much to say about this one. But I think she enjoys the bear.

OVERALL RATING

If you want to build a collection of seasonal books this one is great for spring. If nothing else, see if your local library has a copy. If they don’t, request they order one. It’s a simple story on the surface, but the lovely illustrations make it enjoyable for even adults to look at. Plus, there are some opportunities to expand on the story with questions and discussion, and maybe even a cooking activity should you feel up to it.

4.5 STARS

 

Stay tuned for more book reviews this week, and throughout the month of March!

*All books for the “It’s Raining Books” month of reviews were provided by Allen Thomas & Son. I received no additional compensation for providing my honest opinion. All links to the books are affiliate links, meaning if you choose to purchase a copy you will be supporting Domestic Dork. However, I will not encourage you to spend your hard-earned money on a book unless I honestly think it’s worth it. I value you, my readers, too much to take advantage of you that way.

{image from Amazon }

Book: The Little Red Hen and the Passover Matzah

Author: Leslie Kimmelman

Illustrator: Paul Meisel

Most people are familiar with the story of the little red hen. This Passover-themed retelling is a humorous take with a message of forgiveness.

STORY

Writing: This version includes Yiddish words and phrases (with a glossary in the back of the book). That little twist was enough to get me through the repetitive tale without feeling bored and it made it very fun to read aloud. 4 STARS

Content: This is not a book for those unfamiliar with Passover traditions. Without at least a basic knowledge of Passover you may feel a little in the dark. But that won’t be a problem for Jewish families, for whom this book is undoubtedly written. We’re not Jewish, but we’ve been exposed to seder traditions (I’ve attended two) so I knew enough to not be confused.  As a bonus there’s a matzah recipe in the back of the book. I am all for story books that encourage family learning activities! 4.5 STARS

ILLUSTRATIONS

Style: The illustrations are cute ink, watercolor, and pastel cartoon-like compositions. The hen and her little chicks are particularly adorable. Overall the illustrations are nice, but nothing unusually fantastic. 4 STARS

Skill: I admit, this is probably very nitpicky on my part, but there is one animal among this all farm animal cast who is inconsistent with the other animals as he is fully clothed as well as a picture within a picture of a fully clothed animal. But that’s really the only thing with which I took issue. 4 STARS

KID FACTOR

Mom’s Opinion: This is a very cute version of the little red hen story. It is fun to read aloud. And I really enjoyed the little chicks throughout the story.

Toddler’s Opinion: Lucy was able to pay attention for the whole story. She enjoyed the animal cast and even entertained herself for a few minutes looking at the pictures and “reading” the story to herself.

OVERALL RATING

The story and illustrations are quite cute. But this book really is better suited to families who actually celebrate Passover or who at least like to explore religious traditions. Passover is April 18-26th this year. So you have plenty of time to order a copy for your family should you feel so inclined.

3.5 STARS (4.5 for families who celebrate Passover)

Stay tuned for more book reviews this week, and throughout the month of March!

*All books for the “It’s Raining Books” month of reviews were provided by Allen Thomas & Son. I received no additional compensation for providing my honest opinion. All links to the books are affiliate links, meaning if you choose to purchase a copy you will be supporting Domestic Dork. However, I will not encourage you to spend your hard-earned money on a book unless I honestly think it’s worth it. I value you, my readers, too much to take advantage of you that way.

{image from Amazon }

Book: In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Author: Marion Dane Bauer

Illustrator: Emily Arnold McCully

This hardcover picture book tells the story takes the old “in like a lion, out like a lamb” simile literally. It follows a troublesome lion and a sweet lamb to illustrate the yearly transition from winter to spring.

STORY

Writing: This book is in verse, so it get points for that. The verse feels just a little clumsy at times but is, overall, flowing and cute. It is fun to read aloud. 4 STARS

Content: Call me strange, but I was very excited to have a book about the month of March. I love observing the passing of the calendar year, and while there are lots of books to be had about the four seasons and about holidays, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one about a specific month (if you know of more, please tell me in the comments). I’m working to encourage a sense of daily and yearly rhythm in our home (for Lucy’s benefit and my own). So I’m quite pleased with this creative, narrative description of March. Obviously, if you’re in the southern hemisphere or a very cold or very warm climate this book might not fit what March is like for you. I think Waldorf friendly families will particularly like this book, but it would be enjoyable for anyone who likes the seasons and weather. 4.5 STARS

ILLUSTRATIONS

Style: Loose, energetic lines (very much like my own style of drawing) with soft, yet vivid colors. It really appeals to my personal aesthetic. I believe the artist used water colors and ink (but that’s just my guess based on the appearance of the art). 4 STARS

Skill: The compositions are a mix of simple vignettes on white pages and more detailed scenes (the vignettes being the definite highlights). There is enough detail that I think many children will enjoy looking through the pictures, but they’re not so busy that it is overwhelming. The lamb is sometimes a little awkward looking, but then, sheep can be kind of funny-looking in real life too. The real winner in these illustrations is the lion. He’s absolutely gorgeous! The artist really captured a lot of that quintessential feline grace, especially in the scenes where he is sleepy/sleeping. His lines and colors are simply lovely. FOUR STARS

KID FACTOR

Mom’s Opinion: This is a fun one. I think verse is really good for kids, especially toddlers and young children who are still linguistically raw. It’s short enough to be used as a bedtime story on nights when your little one has managed to postpone bedtime too long. And it’s not repetitive. While I admit that repetition is fantastic for kids it often drives me a bit batty, so I always count myself lucky when I find a nice book without it.

Toddler’s Opinion: Lucy paid close attention for the entire reading of this one.  She said her favorite part was the baby animal illustrations. And she proclaimed throughout our reading session that “that’s my lion!”

OVERALL RATING

This is one you should at least consider adding to your collection. I think most families will enjoy it, though it may not become a treasured favorite as some more narrative tales become. It would help round out your collection and it’s pleasant to both lookat and read. 4 STARS

*All books for the “It’s Raining Books” month of reviews were provided by Allen Thomas & Son. I received no additional compensation for providing my honest opinion. All links to the books are affiliate links, meaning if you choose to purchase a copy you will be supporting Domestic Dork. However, I will not encourage you to spend your hard-earned money on a book unless I honestly think it’s worth it. I value you, my readers, too much to take advantage of you that way.

Welcome to March! Spring is nearly here, and with it will come the rain. To celebrate the season it’ll be “raining” books here on Domestic Dork!

There will be some giveaways for you and lots and lots of book reviews throughout the month of March sponsored by Thomas Allen & Son!*  If you love children’s literature, like me, you won’t want to miss out!

I was an avid reader as a child. I spent a great deal of my free time perusing the library and would come home with teetering stacks of books almost as tall as my young self. That hasn’t changed, and neither has my love for kid lit. I may have added adult fare to my proverbial plate, but I still read children’s books (and not just to Lucy). Some of my prize possessions are books from my childhood, and I continue to buy and add more children’s literature to my own personal library (which is kept away from messy, careless toddler hands until a certain person is able to share with care). Good children’s and young adult books are charming, touching, funny, educational, any number of wonderful things. They are imaginative and have narratives as rich and compelling as most novels meant for adults. Some of my all time favorite books, even now, were written for children or teens.

As an artist and art lover, I have a deep love for picture books. Some of the finest art I’ve seen has been the illustrations created to accompany a story for children. Actually, if you want a cheap way to get artwork for your child’s walls your best bet is often buying two copies of a wonderfully illustrated story, one for the bookshelf and one to remove pages for framing.

So, with my love for children’s literature and the art that is paired with it, it seemed natural to include both areas in my review criteria. Each book review will include the following categories and a rating from one to five stars (five being the best, of course):

STORY

Writing: Is it written well (not awkward to read aloud, no glaring grammar issues, etc.)?

Content: Is the content enjoyable (is it a good story, or suitably poetic verse, etc.)?

ILLUSTRATIONS

Style: Is the style of the art unique or otherwise appealing?

Skill: Is the art well executed?

KID FACTOR:

Mom’s Opinion: Do I feel it is a good read for a child audience?

Toddler’s Opinion: Did Lucy seem to enjoy it?

OVERALL RATING

Obviously, taste is highly subjective. So please don’t be offended if I poo-poo a book you love. It’s not personal. Additionally, I may include other factors when I determine my overall rating.

I hope you are as excited as I am for the rest of March! My first review is about a book specifically celebrating this month. I think you may end up wanting to order a copy right away. And “beware the Ides of March**” because if you miss that day’s review/giveaway you will be sorely disappointed!

*They provided the books but the reviews are not paid and all reviews are my honest opinion.

**March 15