Thank you for you recent letter informing me that my first student loan payment is due. I’m glad to see that your employees are in fact capable of using the US Postal Service. After they never sent the forbearance application as promised {you know, the form that would have kept this payment from being due in the first place?} I was worried they didn’t know how to send mail.
I must say, I’m a bit baffled. You see, the bill you sent says very clearly that you only except checks from US Banks. In case you didn’t notice my address when you sent me the bill, I’m in Canada {that’s the country above the United States}. I have a Canadian bank account {because it would be highly inconvenient to drive 4-plus hours and cross the border every time I need to do my banking}. So you surely understand why I called you today to ask what I should do.
And just FYI, “figure it out” is a really crappy answer to provide to someone who is trying to give you money. After all, why do you think I called in the first place? Could it be because I’m trying to “figure it out?” If you won’t take a credit card, and you won’t take a Canadian check maybe YOU ought to figure out what payment you will accept. Because I’m not about to pay for a money order if you’re not able to guarantee you will accept it.
In closing, thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,

Holly The-Woman-Who-Is-Trying-To-Give-You-Money-That-You-Won’t-Take-From-Her Shumate

Dear Sheraton,

I would just like to thank you for a wonderful experience at one of your Four Points by Sheraton locations in Toronto. On the night of August ninth my husband, baby, and I missed a flight due to a medical emergency {which ended up being not so big of an emergency, but that doesn’t change the fact that we missed our plane}. After a long, hard day of traveling via plane and ambulance we needed a place to stay until we could fly to our destination. Our airline directed us to you.

The very helpful woman on the reservations line got us a room with a queen-sized bed and a crib at the Four Points hotel near the airport. And since she didn’t tell us that there are, in fact two Four Points hotels near the airport we went to the wrong one. But that’s OK. Even though we live on a student budget we love spending money on cab fare. Really. What’s more exciting than spending a paltry $50 to ride through some of the most inclement weather we’ve ever seen? It was almost like going to the amusement park and riding a roller coaster {except that people are a lot less likely to die on a roller coaster…so really we were getting more thrills for our money}!

Upon arrival at the correct hotel the gentleman checking us in informed us that there were no cribs available for us. But that’s probably a good thing. My baby really enjoys being free to crawl and stand in a safe place and frankly, I don’t want her to get spoiled. It’ll toughen her up if she has an opportunity to stick her fingers in electrical sockets or cut herself on the broken mirror you provided in our room.

When we got up to our room I was very impressed. I just love that “hotel style.” This room was especially nice. It wasn’t cluttered up with useless junk like a mini-fridge or microwave. And that bed! Wow! I’ve never seen a queen-sized bed that was the same size as a double. You must have them custom-made! Or, perhaps they’re a rare, vintage model? Either way, it was awesome. Typically I prefer lots of space for co-sleeping so it’s safer. But what the heck, let’s snuggle! Snuggling up was even more fun since the room was so warm and humid. It was like being on a jungle camp-out.

The helpful hotel information packet provided in our room indicated that room service is available daily until 11:00 pm. What a lifesaver! In all the hustle and bustle of going to the hospital we hadn’t had a chance to eat a meal since breakfast. But somebody must have switched out the information packets with fraudulent ones {I suspect a disgruntled maid} because room service isn’t really available every day until 11:00, except for people ordering drinks. And while I’d usually love to down an entire bottle of wine on an empty stomach when I’m not feeling well, since I’m a breastfeeding mom that might not be the best idea ever. But if I weren’t nursing I’d totally be all over that! And kudos to you for not flexing the rules. Just because a customer misses the kitchen closing time by 5 minutes is no reason to coddle them. You know what they say, “almost” only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. We ended up ordering a crappy, greasy pizza instead. Serves us right for being so presumptuous.

I was a wee bit disappointed that our $120 per night room didn’t include a free, continental breakfast. But paying $7 for a small bowl of oatmeal and a small glass of grapefruit juice doesn’t bother me when I get a free bottle of water in my room! I mean, I could just use the plastic cups and drink tap water but pfft! That’s not nearly as ritzy. Besides, I deserve to be pampered. The environmental impacts of bottled water be damned!

{It says “It’s water. Of course it’s free.”}

In closing I just want to again say “thank you.” You provided an excellent experience. While it’s true that I’ve paid less for hotel rooms with free breakfasts, larger beds, etc.and I even paid less for the bridal suite on my honeymoon {which included a big, jetted tub} your helpful employees and stellar accommodations are worth the extra strain on my already troubled wallet. You can rest assured that next time I have a freak medical incident that leaves me stuck in Toronto for the night and the Four Points hotel by Sheraton is the my only option I will so be staying there again! Keep up the good work!

{Sheraton Responds!}

Dear A/C Installation Man,

I’m super glad you and your colleague came to my house today and installed our new central air conditioning unit {figures it would be on the coolest, rainiest day we’ve had in ages}. I no longer fear hot weather. Now I don’t have to worry about having a grumpy baby {or a grumpy me} because the heat made it impossible to get a decent night’s rest.

However…it it really necessary for you to drop your heavy crap on the floor {with a big, huge BANG!} thereby waking my daughter who had just gotten to sleep after being very moody for a very long time? Most people don’t just drop their stuff, they place it. It’d be really neat if you could do likewise.

Also, just because I’m a SAHM does not mean I’m an idiot. You don’t need to talk to me like I won’t understand what you’re telling me. I may have “Mommy brain” but it hasn’t affected my IQ thankyouverymuch.

But, other than that it’s been super!

Yesterday: Picnic at the park.

Today: Snow.

Me: Annoyed.

While some people may have taken vows to not complain about winter weather I have not. So here I go with the complaining:

STOP SNOWING ALREADY!!!

*sigh*

I've been going a little stir crazy. The weather had warmed up just enough that thinking of going for a walk wouldn't get one committed. The snow had melted just enough that going for a walk would be feasible.

But I had no stroller.

And my baby sling was the wrong size.

And while the ground was less snowy/icy it was not such that I felt comfortable just carrying Lucy around in case I slipped.

So we got a stroller.

Last night we got a stroller (with bucket seat!) for $150 (oh how I love clearance)! See, the stroller cost $50 bucks. But the stroller is not approved for babies of Lucy's size unless you have a compatible bucket car seat to snap onto it. So we got the car seat.

All in all this was a good thing! We were really not happy with the car seat we had previously purchased (don't get me wrong...3-in-1 seats are great...but not in the middle of winter with a newborn who does not like being unbundled to be buckled up). And the price was definitely right (I had checked for used strollers but found no good deals). The only problem (albeit a tiny, shallow one) is that the stroller (which was one clearance) does not match the car seat (which was not on clearance). But I'd rather have the extra $50 than a matching travel system.

Anyway...getting back on track...

Here is where the "harumph" comes into play. Adam got the stroller built and ready to go last night. I went to bed looking forward to going for a nice long walk with Lucy. I woke up excited for the walk.

Unfortunately I also woke up to a fresh, deep blanket of snow. The kind of snowfall that precludes going for a walk unless your stroller has 12 inch wheels and four wheel drive.

So I'll say it one more time.

Harumph.

I know I have a cute baby. As her mother I'm well aware of this. I mean, I sometimes just sit and stare at her because she's so gosh darned beautiful. So when people want to take a peek at her in public I understand.

But stop. touching. my. baby!

When Jared took us out to eat there were (I kid you not) three separate members of the restaurant staff and one customer who came and bothered us. And when I say bother I don't mean the usual, "Oh she's so cute! How old is she?" kind of bothering. I mean the kind of bothering that inspires an inner dialogue not unlike the following:

"Um...could you not touch my baby? I don't know you and you did not ask if I'm OK with it. And, excuse me but I don't get out of the house enough as it is and when I do get out with my husband and brother in law I don't want to spend that time listening to you talk baby talk to my baby I want to spend that time WITH MY FAMILY. And, gah! Why are you still touching my baby! Um...no strange lady I've never, ever met you may NOT hold my baby while I pick out my food. Geez! Why are you touching my baby! You do realize I had personal space and while you're violating my baby's personal space you're also violating mine? Um, wow...thanks waitress. I really wanted to know all about how your daughter sasses your ex husband and how gleeful that makes you. STOP. TOUCHING. MY. BABY!!!"

Or, you know...something like that.

Next time this happens I'm gonna have to not be such a wuss and actually tell people (as politely as possible) what I'm really thinking because the idea of spending another meal feeling harassed and uncomfortable when I should be laughing and enjoying time with my loved ones makes me want to not get out of the house after all.

But the food was good!