There are some truly awful movies out there. Eragon comes to mind, as does Poseidon (the 2006* remake of the not nearly as horrible Poseidon Adventure). The Star Wars Holiday Special was a portent of future disappointments.** And let's not forget Jaws 3 and 4***, Jurassic Park 2 and 3, and Tremors 2 and 3****. But recently I saw the ultimate bad movie, the king of horrible cinema, the "make it stop! make it stop!" movie that makes you want to go back to school, study physics, build a time machine, go back in time, and destroy the human race in it's infancy to prevent the cinematic atrocity from ever being conceived. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about:

Batman & Robin

Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have all that respectable of an acting career to begin with, neither does Alicia Silverstone. But George Clooney? I'm embarrassed for him. Truly, I am. Actually...I'm embarrassed for anyone even slightly responsible for the horror that is Batman & Robin. If I had worked on that film I think I would leave it off my resume and hope the world forgets that I had anything to do with it.

The acting was horrible!

The costumes were ridiculous (rubber nipples?)!

The sets were like something from a nightmare the lovechild of Dali and Rodin might have.

The script seemed to be written by 12 year old boys. Not many people like puns to begin with. I do. And I couldn't stomach a single one.

The plot was so impossible that science teachers the world over probably had heart attacks watching it.

The characters were so flat they could make paper feel self conscious about it's weight.

And I'm sorry guys...but there is NO EXCUSE for the opening butt shots!

I'm not the only person who thinks this movie, well, sucks. It was nomiated for a total of 11 Razzies and won 1. How it failed to win more I will never understand. It merits a shameful 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. This movie is just bad, really, really, really bad. It killed the entire Batman series and they (Hollywood) had to start over (and thank goodness they did)! I about died when, while watching it, I suddenly realized millions of dollars (125 million) were spent to make it. I can think of at least 125 million better ways to spend 125 million dollars (some examples: getting root canals, tickets to the Creationism Museum, Backstreet Boys albums, or getting a tattoo of Hitler on my face).

The only thing that made watching the movie tolerable?

RiffTrax

And knowing it would eventually end.

So there you have it. My feelings about Batman & Robin. Or, to put it another way:

Holy $#*!, Batman!

What movie tops your Worst Ever list?

*2006 really wasn't a good year for Hollywood: Eragon, Poseidon, Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest, The Illusionist, Superman Returns...However 2006 also gave us one of my favorites, V for Vendetta, so all is forgiven.

**Though...Episodes I, II, and III were not totally without merit. But don't tell my husband I said that.

***Why Michael Caine, why?!

****Projectile farts? Really?

All the credit goes to Bear for discovering this:

One of Lucy's receiving blankets (that we picked up second-hand) GLOWS IN THE DARK!

I was already a big fan of this blanket because it had sheep (which I get overly-excited about) and stars (which are my favorite shape). But then, the other night Bear came downstairs to sleep on the couch (because Lucy was being fussy and he had a big test in the morning). And there, in the dark, he noticed the glow. The sheep and stars I'm so fond of? They GLOW!

It is THE COOLEST BLANKET EVER. Since sharing his discovery I have been heard (at random moments) pontificating on the sheer awesome-ness of the glowitude. However, there is some question as to whether Lucy (when she's old enough) will appreciate it anywhere near as much as I do.

I kind of idolized my uncle when I was a kid (the man built a sort of go-cart out of lawn mower parts...what kind of kid wouldn't idolize him?). I think, generally, that kids like their uncles (they're just so much cooler than mom and dad or something like that). Well, Lucy isn't quite old enough to appreciate her Uncle Jared (though she eventually started making eye contact with him) but we sure appreciate him!

He got in to Medicine Hat Sunday afternoon and left this morning. Frankly, the visit was too short for our taste. It was fun talking, going for a walk in the coulee, watching Firefly, listening to him jam on his unbelievably gorgeous guitar (the one he made) and just hanging out with him.

Sunday night he took us to the local Mongolian grill. So yummy!

Yesterday he made pizza.

Now, let me explain something. Jared cooks. Jared cooks very, very well. When we were in Kingston for Christmas/our wedding and he was there he made this unbelievable seafood curry (with lobster)! Ever since then I've been looking forward to an opportunity to have him cook something for us again. So you should understand that this was no ordinary pizza.

When we make pizza we use canned spaghetti sauce.

When Jared makes pizza he makes a sauce himself with white wine, diced tomatoes, fresh garlic, and, I'm pretty sure, magical fairy dust because it smells and tastes so good there's no way a mere mortal makes it without some sort of supernatural assistance.

When we make pizza we use mozzarella.

When Jared makes a pizza he uses mozzarella...and goat cheese! And can I just say that I now LOVE goat cheese?

When we make a pizza it turns out OK.

When Jared makes a pizza it turns out like something you'd get in a snooty restaurant staffed by supernal chefs who spent 7 years developing the perfect pizza pie.

It was awesome.