Hey, look, I know things are a mess. I took a hiatus from blogging and decided to switch up my design before returning. Please be patient, because if you can wait out the mess it means REGULAR POSTING WILL RETURN SOON! :D

Hooray!

Thursday, June 23

Hard Choices

Domestic Dork has been my virtual baby for several years. So, what I’m about to say isn’t said easily, or with pleasure.

I’m logging off.

I’ve spent the last week (plus a few days) battling an ear infection in my left ear, and now, one in my right ear. ManDork and I are both overwhelmed with the stress of moving (and we are incredibly behind on packing). Admittedly, as much as I’ve been whining about living in dinky, little Medicine Hat for the last three years, I’m frightened by the thought of moving to a big city and starting over trying to make friends. I’ve been consistently unable to keep up with my, admittedly self-imposed, crafting, blogging, and Hollyday Studios obligations while simultaneously managing a home and being a good parent.

I’m tired.

Writing has been a pleasure of mine for years, and writing for an audience, no matter how meager, has been exhilarating. As an often isolated young mother, thousands of miles from my own mother and family, and with few friends, my blog (and the related social network accounts) have formed an important community of sorts. But my writing has frown stunted, not only by the knowledge that I have readers to impress (and a reputation, or perhaps personal vanity, to protect), but also by a growing sense of obligation. Fewer and fewer posts have been a product of inspiration demanding to be captured in the written word, and instead have been a chore, a to-do list item to check, a duty. More and more I’ve found myself writing apologies for not having posted regularly enough. More and more I have vomited words onto the screen to satiate the compulsion to get at least something new online. After all, a blogger must publish or perish.

But the passion is gone.

Despite having been so anxious, upon resigning my job at Madchen Studios, to rediedicate myself to Domestic Dork, and even using some of the last of my studio employee credit to have photography done specifically to use in a new design for Domestic Dork, I am unable to convince myself that this is the right thing for me to do.

The idea of giving it all up is certainly not a new one. My inner luddite has often whispered suggestions to me to sign off, permanently, and embrace the “real” world. The drive always died under the sense that I had friends online, obligations, and the fear that I would soon regret it when I realized I wanted to return to my online pride and joy, DomesticDork.com, but my audience was gone. I have ignored the urge to commit web suicide time and time again, brushing it off as a silly whim.

Then, just a few days ago, my paternal grandmother contacted me. You might remember when I came upon my biological father’s Facebook page. The shock was emotionally enormous. I cried a great deal. I had chosen then, not to contact him. It was, I am certain, the right decision.

So I was, to put it lightly, aggravated by the selfishness of a woman who, after a quarter of a century of neglect, sough me out to satisfy her own curiosity, and perhaps a sense of guilt (though maybe that’s giving her too much credit). She was clearly less than honest in her letter. I’m perturbed that I have now been forced to have contact from the genetic family with which I want nothing to do. To my further annoyance, she didn’t even spell my full name correctly. Ultimately, I decided she deserved no response from me, for many reasons.

But it just made me tired, rather, even more tired than I already was. The truth is, I’m a bit of a misanthrope at times. There are very few people I like. I despise personal drama (I had my fill years and years ago, no thanks to my paternal family). I have found myself worn thin by the frustrating interactions I observe online. I am physically drained by these damn ear infections. I am weart of having a to-do list that never approaches completion because my internet “obligations” pile up faster than I can handle. And I am sick-to-death of failing to keep promises to my real family, small as those promises may be, because I am so wrapped up in my online life. The old women’s letter was the proverbial straw.

I’m tired. And I can’t do it anymore. I told Adam as much. Despite being in the top three of the first round of So You Think You’re Crafty, despite having countless ideas for free printables for you all, despire having a brand new blog design in the works, despite having a number of books I planned to review, despite all that…I’m done.

I’m done because I’m too tired to persist. And I dread the idea of my paternal family finding me again via my online presence. I’m done trying to follow everyone’s blogs and Twitter accounts and maintain my own. I had a great deal of reasons not to quit, reasons that had been keeping me trapped for nearly a year now.

Really, those reasons mean nothing when I consider the one big reason I should quit.

My online life is negatively affecting my real one.

Blogging is doing nothing for my parenting skills. I have a bright and lovely and curious daughter. I am missing out on her childhood because I’m so “busy” maintaining online connection and projects. Here I am, a young mother with a gifted child, likely the only child I will ever have, and I’m letting my short time with her slip through my fingers. I’m missing opportunity after opportunity not only to teach her, and provide enriching learning experiences, but opportunities to simply play together. While I don’t believe a mother is obligated to cease all pre-child interests and have no life of her own, I’m not comfortable pursuing such seemingly fruitles activities at the expense of my relationship with my little girl; not only for her sake, but for my own as well.

Would writing a blog post that receives fifty-some comments congratulating me on my wit really be any more fulfilling than spending an afternoon baking orange-craisin bread with my daughter? Would possibly winning a crafting contest really be more exciting that the look of excitement on Lucy’s face when presented with a craft made just for her? Is there really anything distant, digital friends can offer me that my own family cannot?

I’m starting to seriously doubt it.

And so I’m bowing out. For a year, two, five, forever? I don’t know. All I know is that I cannot do it all. I cannot have it all. And I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness to maintain something that used to make me happy. I have a little girl starting home-school preschool next month. I have a new house to make a home. I have books to read, and projects to make (because I want to to, not because I need to post a tutorial online). I have fun and laughter and love waiting for me…

offline.

So thank you. Thank you to all my readers, to everyone who has ever re-tweeted, sponsored, re-blogged, or shared in Domestic Dork. It’s been quite a ride, but it’s time for me to get off.

Love,                              

siggy

Monday, June 20

It's Crafty-Goodness!


GO VOTE! Fly my pretties! Fly!

{I can't tell you which entry is mine. That's OK! Just vote for your favorite!}

Entry criteria includes craftsmanship and originality!
Saturday, June 18

Worst Week of 2011? Possibly.

Guys, I have been totally out of commission this week. I woke up sometime in the night Monday night/early Tuesday morning with terrible ear pain. Then Tuesday morning I did the dumbest thing possible (in ignorance), I took a bath. Which probably contributed to the the terrible ear infection I was diagnosed with Tuesday night at a walk-in clinic. The doctor actually seemed impressed at how bad my infection was. And, side note, her name was Alison Cameron (you know, like the character on House?). But I digress. She prescribed me oral and ear drop antibiotics, recommended a heat pack for pain, and sent me on my way.

But things were not getting better. If anything, they were getting worse. So I went to a different walk-in (as the first wasn't open at the time and I was in too much agony to wait). This doctor was also impressed by the severity of my infection (not an inner ear infection, but swimmer's ear, which is an infection of the ear canal). He changed my oral antibiotics and prescribed me Percocet for the pain. He seemed surprised the first doctor hadn't given me any pain meds, but I'll cut her some slack as I wasn't in so much pain that I was bawling in her office like I was at the second doctor's clinic.

The Percocet was awesome...until the nausea kicked in. The only thing worse than being in terrible pain? Being in terrible pain and throwing up repeatedly.

Soooooo...back to the doctor I went.

I'm now on five different meds: oral antibiotics, acidophilus to restore the good bacteria to my gut that the antibiotics kill, ear drop antibiotics, Percocet for pain, and Metoclopramide for the nausea caused by the Percocet.

The good news is that they appear to be working. So, you know, that's good.

The bad news is that the infection is clearing up verry, verry slowly. Two of the five medications cause drowsiness as a side effect. As a result I'm missing the only bachelorette party to which I've ever been invited. I've also missed out on a week's worth of packing and preparing for...




That's right! I'm competing in the new season, to debut next week. Once voting opens I will let you know so you can vote for your favorite project. But I won't be revealing which project is mine. That's cheating! Just vote for your favorite!

If you're in a voting mood, I will reveal to you which photo of mine is a finalist in a Mommy Necklaces FB contest. You'll have to "like" Mommy Necklaces to vote (but really, why wouldn't you? They often do giveaways for their FB fans plus they sometimes sell exclusive designs only available on FB)! Then navigate to the Ambience voting album. You can vote for a maximum of FIVE photos. I'd love to have your vote (the top five winners get a necklace from the Ambience collection). My entry looks like this:


I worked really hard editing this image to showcase the beautiful, ambient, sunny glow that was out that day. Then about 24 hours later I got this awful infection. Ugh. So, I'm playing the sympathy card. Please vote for me and make next week better than the last has been. :)

YOU can also win by commenting on each photo with what you feel the ambient mood of that picture is. One random photo will be selected at the end of voting (Monday evening). Then one random commenter from that photo will be selected to win a necklace!

And now I'm off...to take more meds. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon.
Blog content (including digital illustrations, photos, and writing) may not be used without the permission of the blog author.

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